When I first started haunt, I used to have this spark. I would talk about it non-stop. I'd want to learn everything I could. I would get these butterflies in my stomach every time I thought about it. I was so passionate that I didn't care what anyone thought. Haunt was my life. I thought it would always be like that. I'm not saying I lost that spark, but it's very true to say that some people wanted to snuff out my spark. Some people snuffed it out without even realizing they did it. It really hit me when I went to my first haunt convention...and then it just spiraled out of control from there.
For years, I had worked my ass off at Ravenwood Manor. I went from working behind the scenes to being an actress in the haunt, and I was happy with that. I was ready to continue growing and learning everything I could. Something you need to know about me, reader, is that I'm not a money/power hungry type of person. I was content with being just an actor even though I aspired for more. As long as I could help the future generations of haunters and do what I loved, I was happy and passionate. But, soon, people began to ruin my passion.
The first year a haunt convention came to my town, I was thrilled! It was one of the few that didn't require an invitation from your haunt, so I was able to go. I bought my ticket and was trying to rally a group from Ravenwood to join me. It was going to be a great learning and networking opportunity to get people more involved, you know? Then...
"Why do you even bother? You're just an actor."
"Don't waste your time. It's not like you're going to learn anything new."
"Jaz, if it's not TransWorld, it's not cute to say you're going to a convention."
"Ugh, don't go to the networking events. Only losers and weirdos go. Real haunters clique up and party hard."
"You're going to embarrass yourself."
"Guys, don't waste your money. Let Jaz go and embarrass herself alone."
Needless to say, I went by myself that year. And I was self conscious the entire time, which has NEVER been an issue for me before with anything haunt related. And when I came back from the convention, I was made fun of for talking about the classes and was told "It doesn't matter what you learned. New and better things will be showcased at TransWorld and everything you learned will mean nothing. You wasted your time and money." It was such a soul crushing thing to be reprimanded for simply trying to better myself. So, the next year, I decided not to go to any conventions. I was conditioned to doubt wanting to do more.
So, conventions were out (how dare I do something so foolish), but I still wanted some type of outlet. So, I started this blog. I loved telling my stories and sharing what knowledge I had to anyone who might need help, guidance, or a friend. I knew there weren't many blogs out there that talked about the haunt industry on a more personal level (everything's so corporate and...uppity? I don't know. How would you describe it?) so this was my chance to put that out into the world.
I never write with the notion of "I'm going to get famous." "I'm going to make my mark." "This will give me my break in the haunt world!" "Everyone will love this!" In reality, I write with the mindset that nobody will read it, but if someone does...yay! (Insert a cute little Lizzie McGuire-esque cartoon of myself doing a little happy dance here.) So, imagine my surprise when I hear that some people from Ravenwood read my blog and listened to my podcast. It was a really cool feeling...until...
"Jaz, you need to decide. Do you want to be 'press' or do you want to be more than an actor around here?"
"What will other haunts think? Do you want to be blacklisted for being a blogger?"
"Who are you to talk about haunt? What makes you an expert?"
"You're just an actor. Stop writing like you know what you're talking about."
"Who do you think you are? You have no right to try and teach people."
"Know your place, Jaz."
No matter how proud I was of my work, I let the words of others make me feel horrible. So, I stopped. It wasn't like anyone would notice, right? Life went on. I worked my ass off the next haunt season, but I had "learned my place" and didn't try to ripple the water.
Then, somebody told me something that really struck me. "I don't know what happened to you, but something is different. Before, you were so passionate. You were a fighter. And now...you've just plateaued. I miss how you used to be." And they were right. Where was the Jaz who spoke up that she wanted to act? Where was the Jaz who went out of her way to learn everything she could about what she loved? Where was my spark? Hell, I didn't know where I went. And, yea, that's on me that I let other people snuff out my spark, but it's also on me to push past it.
So, here we are. I'm pushing myself to continue this project (I guess we can call Southern Spooks a project). And I say that not as if this was a chore or a job or something I don't like. I love writing about what I love and teaching others what I know...but fighting terrible self confidence takes a toll on your passions and hobbies. And, in haunt (as well as in life) people will try to put you down and make you feel some type of way, whether it's out of jealousy, to sabotage you, for personal vendettas that you never got the memo about, or possibly by accident. Friends and family might try to tear you down for choosing the strange and unusual hobby of scaring people every haunt season. Work places may make doing what you love difficult. But at the end of the day, we are here to do what we love and to do what makes us happy. We all have the right to fight for what we are passionate about. I've learned my place, oh person of unsolicited disbelief whose opinions really don't matter anymore, and my place is at my haunt, in my haunt community, with my haunt family, and with all the freaks, geeks, weirdos, and badasses that are just like me...wanting to have fun and get good scares.
Southern Spooks will continue. Especially in these hard times. And to any haunters out there who may feel like what they do doesn't matter, that their hard work isn't appreciated, that they are stupid for even trying...it does, it is, and you're not. Stay strong, haunters.
Thank you for making it this far. If you did, I promise future posts will NOT be this...mildly personal and borderline depressing. This was just something that was weighing heavy on my mind and needed to come off my chest before I continue writing all willy nilly like everything is all hunky dory. (And there's some southern twang for you in case you ever doubted my southerness. Haha.)
Next week, I've got a fun topic for you guys...but I guess you'll have to come back to see.
Until then, stay spooky and happy hauntings!
-Jaz
The first year a haunt convention came to my town, I was thrilled! It was one of the few that didn't require an invitation from your haunt, so I was able to go. I bought my ticket and was trying to rally a group from Ravenwood to join me. It was going to be a great learning and networking opportunity to get people more involved, you know? Then...
"Why do you even bother? You're just an actor."
"Don't waste your time. It's not like you're going to learn anything new."
"Jaz, if it's not TransWorld, it's not cute to say you're going to a convention."
"Ugh, don't go to the networking events. Only losers and weirdos go. Real haunters clique up and party hard."
"You're going to embarrass yourself."
"Guys, don't waste your money. Let Jaz go and embarrass herself alone."
Needless to say, I went by myself that year. And I was self conscious the entire time, which has NEVER been an issue for me before with anything haunt related. And when I came back from the convention, I was made fun of for talking about the classes and was told "It doesn't matter what you learned. New and better things will be showcased at TransWorld and everything you learned will mean nothing. You wasted your time and money." It was such a soul crushing thing to be reprimanded for simply trying to better myself. So, the next year, I decided not to go to any conventions. I was conditioned to doubt wanting to do more.
So, conventions were out (how dare I do something so foolish), but I still wanted some type of outlet. So, I started this blog. I loved telling my stories and sharing what knowledge I had to anyone who might need help, guidance, or a friend. I knew there weren't many blogs out there that talked about the haunt industry on a more personal level (everything's so corporate and...uppity? I don't know. How would you describe it?) so this was my chance to put that out into the world.
I never write with the notion of "I'm going to get famous." "I'm going to make my mark." "This will give me my break in the haunt world!" "Everyone will love this!" In reality, I write with the mindset that nobody will read it, but if someone does...yay! (Insert a cute little Lizzie McGuire-esque cartoon of myself doing a little happy dance here.) So, imagine my surprise when I hear that some people from Ravenwood read my blog and listened to my podcast. It was a really cool feeling...until...
"Jaz, you need to decide. Do you want to be 'press' or do you want to be more than an actor around here?"
"What will other haunts think? Do you want to be blacklisted for being a blogger?"
"Who are you to talk about haunt? What makes you an expert?"
"You're just an actor. Stop writing like you know what you're talking about."
"Who do you think you are? You have no right to try and teach people."
"Know your place, Jaz."
No matter how proud I was of my work, I let the words of others make me feel horrible. So, I stopped. It wasn't like anyone would notice, right? Life went on. I worked my ass off the next haunt season, but I had "learned my place" and didn't try to ripple the water.
Then, somebody told me something that really struck me. "I don't know what happened to you, but something is different. Before, you were so passionate. You were a fighter. And now...you've just plateaued. I miss how you used to be." And they were right. Where was the Jaz who spoke up that she wanted to act? Where was the Jaz who went out of her way to learn everything she could about what she loved? Where was my spark? Hell, I didn't know where I went. And, yea, that's on me that I let other people snuff out my spark, but it's also on me to push past it.
So, here we are. I'm pushing myself to continue this project (I guess we can call Southern Spooks a project). And I say that not as if this was a chore or a job or something I don't like. I love writing about what I love and teaching others what I know...but fighting terrible self confidence takes a toll on your passions and hobbies. And, in haunt (as well as in life) people will try to put you down and make you feel some type of way, whether it's out of jealousy, to sabotage you, for personal vendettas that you never got the memo about, or possibly by accident. Friends and family might try to tear you down for choosing the strange and unusual hobby of scaring people every haunt season. Work places may make doing what you love difficult. But at the end of the day, we are here to do what we love and to do what makes us happy. We all have the right to fight for what we are passionate about. I've learned my place, oh person of unsolicited disbelief whose opinions really don't matter anymore, and my place is at my haunt, in my haunt community, with my haunt family, and with all the freaks, geeks, weirdos, and badasses that are just like me...wanting to have fun and get good scares.
Southern Spooks will continue. Especially in these hard times. And to any haunters out there who may feel like what they do doesn't matter, that their hard work isn't appreciated, that they are stupid for even trying...it does, it is, and you're not. Stay strong, haunters.
Thank you for making it this far. If you did, I promise future posts will NOT be this...mildly personal and borderline depressing. This was just something that was weighing heavy on my mind and needed to come off my chest before I continue writing all willy nilly like everything is all hunky dory. (And there's some southern twang for you in case you ever doubted my southerness. Haha.)
Next week, I've got a fun topic for you guys...but I guess you'll have to come back to see.
Until then, stay spooky and happy hauntings!
-Jaz
We love you, Mama Jaz! Welcome home. 💜
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