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A small surprise to some people is that Ravenwood Manor wasn’t the only haunted house I worked at nor was it my first ever haunt audition. In the past, I worked at two home haunts; both ran by friends of mine. The first one didn’t really have an audition process. It was more of a “show up and we’ll put you in a spot” kind of thing. The second one, I did a half ass audition where I had to show my friend my scream (which sucks) and any accents I can do. But these two haunts were very small, in their garages, and was more for shits and giggles.
After that, I set my sights a little higher. I auditioned for a professional haunted house, but when I say audition, I really mean I wasted everyone’s time.
This audition process was very interesting and also a complete disaster. I had three weeks to show up for the auditions. Once I got there, I had to fill out a sheet with all my information, what skills i had, what i was willing to do if hired, and any preferences to roles i would like. They took my picture and then it became a waiting game. I think I waited in the hot, dark, black room with about fifteen other people for an hour at the most. Once they called me to the back, I was instructed to go up a dark set of stairs only lit by candles. Spooky, I know. (and also a little dangerous, but whatever. Live and die by the haunt.) Once I reached the second floor, I was met by a hall of mirrors with something waiting for me at the end of the hall. Standing there, illuminated by one, dim, swinging Edison lightbulb was the figure of a girl. The closer I got to it, I realized it was a life sized, windup doll. In the dark, I couldn’t tell if she was real or not, adding to the terror. Once I reached her, I noticed A) She had a doll mask on, so there was still no way to tell if this thing was alive, and B) She was holding a sign that said, “Hug Me.” I looked around, unsure what to do. There wasn’t a door anywhere. Only mirrors and darkness. I probably stood there in confusion for three minutes before I crept towards the doll girl. With a nervous whimper, I gave her a quick hug and in a matter of seconds, a door that was hidden in the darkness behind her opened and I was beckoned inside. These owners were seriously watching the hall from a monitor and only opening the door if you hugged this creepy ass doll. I couldn’t believe it, but looking back, it was a pretty cool way to weed out the sissies and get a good laugh.
When I walked into the office, I was asked to sit in a chair across from five different people. I remember thinking it would be a good idea to show up in full costume and makeup, which isn’t always a good idea. I also had nothing special to offer. I basically walked in thinking I would be hired on passion alone. Boy, was I wrong. I still have nightmares of the owners staring at me, dissecting me with their eyes, unsure what to make of me, and waiting for me to do something that never happened. After being interviewed, I remember piping in that “I…I prepared a monologue,” in my shy, little voice at the time. (Yeah, I was shy once upon a time. Surprise.) Now, when I say monologue, what I had was nothing more that a glorified piece of shit. Not even painting the shit gold and spraying it with perfume could hide that it was shit. I took an idea from a small play most people didn’t even know existed, “Love Never Dies” where they sing about some building burning down. Of course,I put my own spin on it and made it into a script instead of a song, but as I started to speak…I began to forget the words I wrote. I could feel my train of thought disappear. I was choking, and the only thing I could do was revert back to the song. …….My nerves were so bad…..I started singing…..in my haunt audition.
As I finished and came back from my momentary blackout, I saw the looks on their faces. They were completely confused. We stood in silence for about a minute before a woman spoke. “How would you feel about shaving your head?” Let’s just say the questions went downhill from there.
Of course, I didn’t make the cut that year. I really wasn’t surprised. Don’t do what I did. Ever. I beg you. I wish I could erase that audition from my memory. But, as you can see, that audition was very cut and dry.
The auditions at Ravenwood Manor…those were much different. Ravenwood broke up the auditions into two parts. One part focused on acting games and got everyone moving to see just how creative, cooperative, and physical everyone was. It was more about scouting to see who was good at what and breaking down people into possible character types. “Oh, Johnny is jumping on things and crawling on the floor? Make a note to try crazy and zombie with him.” “Oh, Sally stands still and barely moves? Put her in an improv game. Let’s see if she can speak.” “What? Martha is hiding in the corner and crying? Hmm…mark her down for a possible victim…..or behind the scenes.” You know, stuff like that. After the fun and games, there was a small break and then the face-to-face auditions began. Groups would be called into an office and…honestly, I don’t know. I wasn’t in those groups. Actually, I didn’t even get to audition until my third year…but that’s another story for another day. After the groups went in, then those with monologues went last. I’m not sure if this was how the order went every day of auditions, but as you can see, these auditions were much more intense and held more like a class or summer camp program. I think these are more fun, to be honest. You play games, meet new people, make friends, AND have people judge you all in one day!
Another form of auditioning, which I’ve only heard about, but would love to participate in, is this idea of a two or three day process. Each day touches on the same topics, but rising in difficulty each day, eliminating people “Next Top Model” style. Like, the first day, you would work on making a random character from scratch (something simple to show your style), finding this character’s voice, walk, and how they interact. Then a cut would be made. The next day, you would have to do scenes as this character, showing off your ability to stay in character, improv, and move as the character in different circumstances. Then another cut would be made. Finally, you show up and it’s basically a WWE Showdown between all these different characters to perform full out and be the best. Even if I don’t participate in this style of auditioning, I’d watch it.
I’m sure I missed a few things here and there, but if I’m being honest here…the inner workings of the audition are not what’s important. Sure, it’s great to know what may be in store for you so you can better prepare, but these processes change yearly and probably get better and more intense as time goes on. What really matters is the work you put in before your audition. If you know your character type, if you know what you can and can’t do, if you practice your little ass off, if you know what you truly have to offer and you go into your audition with confidence, you’ll blow the judges away. People who audition for those talent shows on TV…they know how the show works. It’s not a secret. But the ones who make the cut are the ones who know their role, know their selling point, and are confident enough to know they are doing their best. I’m sure if young Jaz walked into that hot mess of an audition with more confidence and with much much much more preparation, I would’ve been hired. In fact…a few years later, that haunted house did want to hire me, but, again, a story for another time.
Until next time, stay spooky and happy hauntings.
From your Wicked Witch of the South
Jaz
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